Pass me the lemon.
Two Breton steaks, Bouillabaisse and confit.
Where's my rabbit? - I'm here, just don't tell anyone.
Where's the Chef? - He's busy, creating a new menu.
KITCHEN IN PARIS
Translation and subtitles: Martina F
Hello. - Hello.
What do you have there? - I got the dress.
Let me see. - You can't see it until the wedding.
Here, take it away please. Just be careful, don't drop it.
My hands are as realiable as a Swiss bank.
Jellyfish in my mouth. - The Chef got hammered again last night.
Good morning, bastards.
Good morning, Chef.
Chef, the customer at table 7 asked us to warm up his Eel salad.
This salad is served cold.
I know, but he asked us to do it for him. He had it warm in Egypt.
Get the hell out of here. - Nastya?
Nastya, where's the salad?
Vitya, if the customer wants a warm salad, you'll warm it up for him.
Vitya, hurry up. - Now we'll warm it up.
A hot salad?
No problem.
Chef, it's not this table.
You said table 7. - This one is 7.
No tip again?
Kostya, pass me the napkins.
We ran out. I have to get some from the warehouse. Shall we go together?
Have you completely lost it?
Nastya, we have been there together for two months now...
We haven't been to the warehouse neither here, nor at home.
The news in Russia. Today the newly elected president of France,
Jacqueline Bernard, arrives at Paris for a formal state visit.
During her visit, she will meet with the President of Russia in order to discuss
the construction of the gas pipeline "Nord stream" on French territory
What have you done? - Me?
You need to keep an eye on your fossils. They don't even know who is sitting at what table.
Mouse! Mouse!
Get it!
Why are you shouting? It's not a shark, is it?
That's it. I caught it.
Where is Nogiev's cod?
It's ready. Take it.
Ainura! One two three.
Where is it?
Ah, here are the wonders of cooking. Come in.
It happens, doesn't it?
They have undercooked it. One moment, one moment.
Kostya, don't fall asleep.
Why is he screaming?
Stepan, come here. Hold him, uncle Maxim.
Kostya, he threw up on me.
Get used to family life.
This is the only thing that helps him.
Listen, is this the reason why people get married?
Because of the stains on the blouses, the lack of sleep.
Don't be stupid. The family is the best thing you can have.
And children are the best. They are...
Stepan, did you poo again?
Kostya, is everything okay? - No, nothing is OK, Max.
Everything is a lie. You know?
Family is the most horrible thing.
I haven't slept... I haven't slept in a year! Do you know what it's like to not sleep for a whole year? No?
And the sex? I forgot what sex is.
In our family, he is the only one who sees boobs. And it keeps getting worse.
The life of Maxim Lavrov.
Now I will tell you something that will make you freak out.
You know that what’s her face is visiting Moscow, the French president?
The New Woman, by Barankin (a writer). - Well?
I was told that her and our one...
They have an impromptu dinner date. - And?
We can do something so that this dinner takes place in our restaurant.
Yes. Imagine us taking off.
You will come here in a golden carriage.
The entire elite will run up to us, stamping like horses.
Alright, when is that? - This Saturday.
That’s not possible. We have a wedding. Victoria Sergeevna and the chicken-butt.
Are you stupid? - No.
Max, this is your chance to get off the hook.
Vitya? - What are you waiting for?
Run.
Chef, I wanted to talk to you.
Vika and I decided to change the wedding date.
Handsome man. I know from experience – then the wedding is cancelled, life gets better.
Do not rush. - Well, yes.
What do you mean change it? Vika didn't tell me anything.
I will go.
Listen, Vika.
I was just thinking about where to seat your grandmother and your grandfather. Is here okay?
It's technically OK.
It doesn't matter to us where we sit, what matters is the day itself.
Was the day itself. - I fought in the war for someone like you!
It's technically OK.
It will be fine there. - Do you,
Victoria Goncharova, take Maxim Lavrov
as your lawfully wedded husband?
I do.
And you,
Maxim Lavrov,
do you take Victoria Goncharova to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Should we leave or not?
I do.
I am so happy! Thank you.
I totally forgot, I have to... - Where are you going?
I can't tell you. It's a surprise.
Maximcho?
Fool!
Dmitry Vladimirovich, you have to understand I...
I got something wrong. Basically, there is no way we pospone the wedding.
Come with me.
We have arrived. Go.
Where? - Right there. Do you see the light in the window?
He does not sleep. He must be working. Taking care of us all.
Knock on the door. Get down on your knees and say 'Hi'.
I have a wedding. I can't postpone it.
Please postpone your minor state meeting. Come on.
Vika? - Yes?
I need to tell you something. - Tomorrow.
I am very tired. - Vika?
Damn it!
Grand Nisoise salad.
Foie gras with redcurrant jam
Bouillabaisse Atlantic.
Duck Leg Confit.
Veal Burgundy.
And almond cake for dessert.
The golden peak of French cuisine.
The presidents of Russia and France will be our guests tomorrow.
The President himself? Our president?
Yes, Levochka, yes.
Chef, don't say anything to Vika. I'll tell her everything myself!
Vitya, what's happening?
Right now I'm frying eggs.
Max, imagine, instead of our wedding there will be a president's dinner.
What dinner? Chef, what is going on?
You understand, Vika, it happens. Everything is decided on another level. Don't worry.
Don't worry? Do you hear that, Max?
How can I not worry? - Yes, what’s the big deal?
You know how long we've been planning. - Yes, very long.
Things happen, Vika. We'll postpone it and do it next week.
And on the other hand, there is nothing wrong with this. Why rush it?
Can you hear what you are saying, Max?
What about our relatives? The Council?
That's it. I'm calling Nagiev.
Relax, Vika.
Relax? You need to wake up a little!
I feel like I'm living with a child. - Stop it. What is this idiocy?
Idiocy? Do you think I'm an idiot? - Why are you screaming? You can speak normally.
I have to admit something to you, Vika.
Understand me and forgive me. I love Lyova.
Then you must hear me out, too.
I cheated on you twice with Ainura, over there, by the buckets.
How can you play my favourite song in such a talentless way?
That's it. I'm calling Nagiev.
Great! The wedding is cancelled. - Hooray!
How so? I made you cakes to choose from.
Maxim, did you like it?
Did you?
Well done, Chicken-butt! You overdid yourself this time.
Why are you covered in snot? Couldn't you wash it?
Get to know each other. The Chief of Protocol from the French side, Nicolas Dupont.
My wallet was a 'DuPont'. Is he a relative of yours?
Not the wallet, of course. - He doesn't understand Russian.
As far as I know, you speak French.
Since the restaurant is French we have left the preparation of dinner
to our colleague. Of course under our control. So during
the reception Mr DuPont is the boss in this kitchen.
Clear? - Excellent, welcome.
One drop and I'll kill you!
Viktoria Sergeevna, Vika, everything will be fine. You will be fine.
Right? I'm sick of him. I look like a fool.
And he still likes her. I'm sick.
And will there be sniperists?
Flipping hell. My grandfather was a sniperist.
Oh, and here's our Director.
Our Victoria. Our Sergeev...
SUrgeevna.
Our inspiration. The bust of our restaurant.
Hello. It’s a pleasure to welcome you in our restaurant.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
We speak all languages. We are not a restaurant, we’re a language institute.
InstitUte.
I wanted to discuss the table arrangements with you
but I think I have to make you laugh first so that there are no tears in your eyes.
Look at him, he doesn't stop talking.
The only thing I got in German class at school was a banana.
Banana? - Banana.
I see that the bridges are already being built, they have split into pairs.
Come and let’s leave as a couple, I'll treat you to some broccoli.
Our brocolli is the best of the best!
Kostya, pour me a drink.
Vitya! Excuse me.
Is he your friend? Is he jealous?
Are you scared? - What? I'm not afraid of anything.
Except from your bee. - Why? It is so cute.
I'm allergic to bees. Just by looking at them I can blow up like a balloon
Excuse me. So if you don't like puffy french men,
it will be a great tragedy for me.
Such a grumpy man.
My idea is that the presidential dinner consists of the best traditional meals
from the Loire Valley region.
We start with Foie gras in white wine jelly
with black truffle, then snails, necessarily flambed, based on a Burgundy recipe.
We continue with a restructured soup of cuttlefish and sea shells.
Let's do it. - Oui Chef.
What do we have here?
What is this? - Nothing.
This is unbelievable! How dare you?
What are you doing?
Excuse me. It wasn't intentional. I am very clumsy.
This is unbelievable. - Come here.
You're a good man.
Please take him out.
I have to lie down. - Go. Goodbye.
Here it is. The Russian weapon.
I will bring it. - Vika!
Vika? - What happened?
Battleship in the bay.
Russian weapon. You never know what it will end up hitting.
So yes. - Yes
The actor? - Yes
You are personally responsible for the dinner reception. - Yes.
With your head. - Did you hear?
You are personally responsible for the reception with your head.
Dima, everything will be perfect. - Everything will be perfect, Dima.
Is he drunk?
What are you talking about? That's his style. Sophisticated.
Objects 1 and 2 are coming. Arrival time in 2 minutes.
Vityusha, darling, they are here. Come on, move fast.
Everything is ready. I'll take it out myself.
Where do you think you're going? - Everything is under control.
I'll take it out myself. We should light the fire.
Burgundian snails, they must be flambe.
Stop it! They're going to shoot us. - What's happening?
Thank God everything is under control. Leave it to me, I told you.
God, what a fool, right?
Everyone, hands up!
What are you doing? I have to feed the presidents.
Please don't. My stomach is unwell.
I'm not resisting.
Stay where you are.
Baskets on the floor, quick!
Lay down, I said, lay down!
I think the steaks are burning.
This is the end, Vitya. I love you.
You will pay for this concert, artist.
I'm going to close down your bakery. You will sell bureks at the station.
Bureks?
As our captain used to say, you can't fill in such a hole with an ass.
The restaurant is closed.
Comrades... Brothers and... cousins.
It's no secret that we're currently in such a deep...
We have hit rock bottom, guys. No one will hire us.
But there is also good news.
They won't shoot us, will they?
I bought a restaurant.
In Paris. - Dima, seriously? Are you stupid?
Vitenka, have I ever lied to you?
Yes. - Now I'm not lying to you.
So what? Are you with me, Roquefort?
Guys, who's coming to Paris?
Will they all go?
Well done! I think I'll hire bartenders and waiters there.
So they can speak French, right?
What else?
Just a moment.
Vika, are you coming with us?
No. The company of some people is not very pleasant.
And some people don't want to be in your company.
Dmitry Vladimirovich?
Take me. - Here?
Maybe I'll be able to do it myself somehow.
You seem a little heavy. - No. I'm talking about Paris.
What are you going to do in Paris?
You don't understand and don't speak French.
Me? I do.
Under the moon my friend Piero gave me his feather
We will write poems, sing songs and we will dance,
Wow! You just broke my heart.
Okay. Go get ready. - Thank you, Dmitry Vladimirovich.
I don't understand how you can just abandon me and Styopa.
Nastya, I told you I don't care about Paris. Nogiev told me I must go.
Don't look at the Parisian women. - Nastya!
You know I love only you and Stepan.
Too bad we didn't do it before I leave. - Please don't start, Kostya.
Vika, will you keep an eye on my luggage? And the passport?
I'm going for ice cream, but I'm worried I might lose it.
Give it to me. No way! You were saying you weren't coming yesterday?
I must be a fool to say 'no' to Paris.
And I am single… Paris, as you know, is the city of love and romance.
Beautiful Parisian women.
You're not going anywhere. - I am going.
No! - Relax, honey. I will go.
Let's see how you will go now.
This is my passport.
You're a fool!
Lyova, Lyova... - I...
Please proceed to check-in. - Sorry, I didn't mean to.
What is this?
Mom won't let you go? Okay, sort your passport out. I will make a call.
We're running late. 136th.
Excuse me.
Good day, sir.
Beauty.
So.
We have arrived. - And where is our restaurant?
Strange.
Good day to all.
Dima, you must have given us the wrong address.
Why do you think so? Are you on the waterfront?
Yes, but I don't see any restaurant here. - Look towards the river.
Why? - Turn around, little one.
Well? There is nothing but a rusty basin.
No no no. We didn't agree to that, Dima.
What did we agree to?
You screwed us over. - Restaurant on the water. It's trendy.
This is crazy. The boys and I didn't sign up for this. We're leaving.
Come on, why is the moustache sad? Stop it.
Come on, run over to me we'll have a chat.
This basin is our restaurant.
Flipping hell. We got mugged. - We're flying back tomorrow.
What are we going to do now? - We're going to the hotel.
Is there a problem? Can I help with something?
No thanks, Nicolas. We’ll go to the hotel.
OK, let me give you a ride then and I'll show you Paris?
Why not? - Vika!
You can go. I'm going with Nicolas.
Ugh! My cabin on the boat was nicer. - At least the view is nice.
Fedya, the view is fucking awesome. Like yours in Biryulovo.
Right, this is my bunk.
Agreed, so this one is mine.
We're meeting downstairs in 5 minutes.
We’ll go and speak with Nagiev.
Ha, I was expecting you, hussars. - Don't try, we're leaving.
I know that. My dear guests, Welcome, have a seat.
Damn! This is a palace.
Dimochka, why didn't you book a room in our hotel?
There was no space. I booked your rooms and then there was no availability.
I was upset. I cried like a child.
Oh, Vikusya! Bringing flowers, as if we're in a hospital.
Thanks. - Vitenka and I are arguing here.
‘I'm leaving’, he says. ‘I miss the birch trees’. What about our restaurant?
There is no restaurant. Why didn't you tell us right away
that we will be on some rusty basin. - Let's not kick up a fuss.
And if I had told you right away, would you have come?
What are you doing there, hamster? Pour it up. - Ah, yes.
I see you're having a good time. - This does not concern you.
To love.
Let's raise a glass Let's drink and nibble, but...
Let's not get stuffed because...
Today we go to one of the most popular restaurants in Paris.
And it has three Michelin stars. - What restaurant?
"Victor". - You will go without me.
Thank you all. The meeting ended on a high.
If the gentleman doesn't go, then nobody goes.
We'll sit here and suck our fingers. - Chef, let's go.
Let's go and visit a nice restaurant. - Chef, please.
Let's go. - No!
What are you moaning about? Sat there, wiggling your mustache. People are begging you.
It's your original team. What are you afraid from? A ladle?
From a three-star restaurant? I don't believe this. Besides, he won't be there.
I wanted him to show us his weak master class.
Well, okay. - Thank you Chef.
Clever guy! Good lad! - We're still leaving tomorrow though.
Oh Lord! Can you see!
Who is doing dirty things there? In the middle of Paris, huh?
Wow! There is even a remote for the bog.
Get out of there you stinker.
Victoria!
This one sticks to her like glue.
Good evening. - Good evening.
How are you? - Okay.
I have a proposal for you.
I can't let you spend tonight without me
Then join us. - I can offer you something better,
than this famous restaurant.
Nicolas and I will have dinner somewhere else.
As you wish.
You look gorgeous. - Thanks.
I am begging you. Don't do anything stupid.
I will try.
Gerard, you are free to go.
Thanks. - Well, brothers. They say Paris was the land of order.
And I stepped on shit. Why are we standing there, my Provencal salamis?
Are you ready for a gastronomic orgasm? Please!
Good evening. Do you have a reservation?
I don't know about orgasm, but I already feel an gastronomic erection.
Idiot! Absolute moron!
Have a good evening.
Very tasty, guys. We'll have to bury this all
when we open our restaurant.
I thought everything through. We will promote Russian cuisine.
What else, guys? We are Russians.
Russian, Russian...
Dima, we will not serve your vodka.
Good evening. Are you ready to order? - We haven't chosen yet.
You may bring a bottle of red wine. - What wine do you prefer?
The most expensive. I think our friend deserves it.
What did you say to that jerk?
That you are the most popular artist in our country.
Nonsense!
It is very beautiful here.
Thank you so much.
Sit down. - Thanks.
What are you frowning at? I pour the last bit to you.
We will create such a restaurant... - Listen, Dima!
You promised he won't be here. - They told me he won't be here.
They were babbling in French and I thought they said that he won't be here.
Well well well! What a surprise!
Why didn't you tell me? - I don't think it's necessary.
Maybe you'll introduce me to your friends?
Okay. I will introduce myself. I am Pyotr Arkadievich Barinov.
Chef of this humble restaurant and father
of this kind and polite man. - Thank you very much, Pyotr Arkadievich.
Everything was so typically you. Ideal balance. Not very tasty, but very expensive.
It's so quiet. Don't you think that you need some music?
You must have impressed many women with this.
I prepared it especially for you. - I heard that there's been some trouble
at your place. - It is none of your business.
Absolutely. But I want you to know that if you need help,
I'm always ready to give you a hand. - I'd rather be grilling hotdogs at a diner,
than to ask you for help. - You used to make really good hotdogs,
the best of all.
Don't get your hopes up. We are opening a restaurant here in Paris.
On a ship. On the water. On Pemse. Thames.
A restaurant on a ship?
What could be a better setting for such a nice place.
A slight rocking and a faint smell of mud.
Congratulations. - Thanks.
What's going on here? Do you know how much this suit costs?
Should I take this personally?
Thanks.
Wait. One two three.
I want you to immerse yourself in romance of France.
Wow! I told you it's amazing here, and you wanted to go to some Turkey.
Look at the beauty. Paris! - Yes, Paris.
Damn Paris. I sprained my ankle again.
Ah, bald guy, hello. Yes, we love it here.
I am sorry.
Please excuse me.
I'll give you the napkins.
No worried. We better drink champagne.
Or maybe eat grapes.
Mom, look. A ghost.
Don't do that. I had no idea, that things are so complicated between you.
More complicated than you think. Five years ago when I left the restaurant,
here in Paris. - When you got kicked out for...
It's not important. I asked him for help. He kicked me out without listening to me.
So he won't help us set it up.
Is that why you asked me to come here?
Listen. Life... - Okay. We'll do it ourselves.
Damn it! Let's get some sleep. We will get up early tomorrow.
We have a restaurant to open. What is this?
Chef, a souvenir.
Quickly put it back.
Excuse me.
You forgot to pay the bill. - What does the bunny want?
The bill.
Ah, the bill. Please.
What is this?
I'll wait outside.
Perhaps, the bread is made of gold here.
Vitya, are you sure?
We are doing it.
Excuse me, I am here to apply for the waitress position. Where do the interviews take place?
Paris, get ready. The Russians are coming. - Wait.
Wait.
Maritime tradition. As our captain used to say
the ship is like a woman. Nothing will happen without champagne.
Fedya, where did you get the champagne?
From the box at the bar.
Are you stupid? Three thousand euro per bottle.
Give it back.
Let it go, motherfucker.
Ma'am... Let go.
Attention, unicellular creatures.
Lyova lost his passport again. And I need a shepherd
to deal with the organisation of your work.
To summarise, meet your new Sous Chef, Balthazar Bartholomew.
Bon jour. - Hello.
Balthazar, come let me show you where the warehouse is.
Bon jour.
Do you mind?
Hello mate.
No one can laugh at Balthazar.
Translate. You will be an ambassador.
The swelling went down a bit. Bastard!
Well, Victoria Sergeevna. Just small details left.
Yes. The tables in this area will start from here.
They will bring the dishes today. I already hired waiters.
We'll fix the decor. I decided to go without khokhloma.
Traditional Russian, but without it being too much. So, we are ready for the opening tomorrow.
And so. Here we have a Kamchatka crab salad,
with blanched tomatoes, cucumbers, papaya and ginger sauce.
Smoked Taimen with sea mushroom sauce and pumpkin.
Okroshka with kefir.
Frozen sterlet in caviar sauce. So the menu is ready.
I'm really excited. More than half the tables are already booked.
Don't worry, mon ami. Daddy will feed everyone.
No one.
I don't understand either.
Good evening.
Bon soir, - Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to Aurora. Restaurant with Russian cuisine.
Guys, if you are participating in a contest for the most original welcome,
you seem to be way ahead.
Yes. Extravagance is our brand strategy.
Victor, meet my wife Maria. - So, Petro? At your old age
you turned to the exotic countries? - No.
I turned to the exotic countries. Right, Petya?
You're a fool. Masha studied in Moscow, in Lumumba.
Don't worry. I have nothing against you, maman.
I see you are very busy. - We just don't let every Tom, Dick and Harry here.
I see you don't watch TV. Don't read newspapers.
More than 30 cars were burnt during the riots.
The authorities advise people to stay away from regions 4th, 5th and 13th of Paris,
which were mainly affected. - No normal person
will come to you today. - Yes. Only abnormals have arrived up to now.
Mademoiselle, we have reserved a table for four. My friend will come too.
Do you still have friends? Bear in mind, we will not feed imaginary ones.
It's Philippe Boaleau and every respectful chef has heard this name.
I keep forgetting I'm talking to you. - Sophie,
please show the guests to their table. - Please follow me.
Thank you.
- Vitya,
Philippe Boaleau will be here.
One of the most famous French critics. - Daddy is keeping the standard high, as always.
Fedya, are you okay?
Yes.
As our captain used to say... - Listen, sailor.
Your mug is greener than the green salad.
It's fine. I just drank too much yesterday. I'm going to take a pill.
Everything is fine. - Why are you standing there?
Will the sterlet prepare itself? Come on, work.
I said, work! - What did you do?
Fascist! It's the last tablet.
These are sea sickness tablets.
Listen, do you have anything to tell me, sailor?
I'm not a sailor.
I boarded the ship in Cuba
and the whole time I was throwing up.
Then I went off in Hawaii. Got a plane ticket
and then I worked at the port for 2 years.
Senya! I feel so sick.
Fedya, Fedya. Wait. Have a lemon...
Don't! Put it away. It makes me feel worse.
Here we are. - Hello.
Welcome to our restaurant. - Victoria, let me introduce you.
This is my grandmother Ellen. - She is so lovely.
Give me a hug. Ah, what a beauty!
Pleasure to meet upi. - You didn't tell me that she was such a cutie.
I am very pleased to meet you.
Come, I'll take you to your table. - Thank you, thank you.
What can you do. - Nicolas!
Thanks for supporting us. - How can I miss such an event.
Starter "Compliment from the Chef" three times.
Max. That french man is with Vika again.
I don't care. What's happening there doesn't concern me at all.
I don't give a damn about the Eiffel Tower.
Thanks. - Compliment from the Chef.
Oh, Philip has arrived. Bring the fourth Portion please. Now he will rate your restaurant.
Good evening, monsieur. - Will you pour the sauce on me immediately
or will you let me try it first?
Philip, how are you? - Fine.
Welcome. Glad to see you.
Taimen with sea mushroom sauce and pumpkin, and for dessert
pancakes with cranberry mousse. - Yes. Okay.
The order of the critic.
Vitya, do it yourself.
Take it.
Here it is. For your little French man. You will probably take it yourself.
Why did he bring his grandmother only? He should have invited the whole family to meet you.
His dog might not like you, Victoria Sergeevna.
Do you like everything French? Wine, cuisine, men?
Excuse me. It wasn't intentional.
Vitya, sort it out, straight away.
What is this? - He added a banana, God knows why.
I am so sick of your Mexican passions! How much time do I have?
Monsieur Beaulot asks in which century will he be served his meal.
Complete idiocy.
Ready. Take it.
Thank you.
C'est la vie.
Why? Tell me.
Bon appetit, monsieur.
I did not order this. I ordered Taimen.
The waiters must have made a mistake.
You said Taimen and they heard "chops"
Ask the captain to dock the boat. I want to go ashore.
It's impossible. We don't have permission to moore wherever we want.
Oh Lord! Then bring the dessert. - I think they will need more than two hours.
Please ensure that they bring me pancakes with cranberry mousse.
Not Mutton leg with potatoes.
Vika!
Sorry. - Max, I don't want to talk to you.
I understand.
I just want you to know that it wasn't intentional.
I just hate seeing you with that guy.
Max, what's the purpose of all this?
I don't know. - Nicholas.
I didn't mean to bother you. - You are not bothering us at all.
We just had a rough day.
Maybe I will need to distract you then. How about an opera?
Why not? - Really?
Will you come with me to the opera? - Okay.
Great! Thanks.
Maxim, we are flying. - Yes, Vika, but where are we flying to?
I don't know where you are, but I'm going with Nicolas.
Review by Philippe Boaleau.
Chef, don't make us soak in our own sweat. We're not beans.
I recently had the pleasure of visiting the new Russian restaurant "Aurora".
And to be honest, I have never had such a vivid experience.
First they made me enjoy a two-hour wait for my order.
Then they surprised me. They didn't serve me what I had ordered.
As a result I had to eat plain beef cutlets,
invented by some famous russian called Pozharsky.
However, I must point out that somehow the dessert miraculously
turned out to be decent. And of course the wonderful coastal view,
for which...
Aurora's Chef is not responsible whatsoever.
I need a drink.
Negotiations on the Nort Stream Construction continue
on French territory. At the earliest convenience the president of Russia...
Kostya, 150 g.
Vitya, don't.
We are going to make it. Yes. The opening had some teething issues.
And then this review. But this is not the end.
This is our end.
Another week without clients and we will close down.
Another 150 g.
Hello, is this the police? Hello.
Salami? - No. Thank you.
Louis, what did she say?
She's a vegetarian, like your Nastya.
This ship is private property. You can't stand here.
And the coast is public. Go home baby - You are putting off our guests.
You don't want us to stay here? Okay. We will then stay at your restaurant.
Get out of here. - What the hell is happening here?
The girls are fighting for a client again.
This is their pimp. Those Poles have become really inconsiderate.
Max!
What were you thinking? Why did you get involved?
By the way, they can deport us.
I love you.
I just... I managed to ruin everything as always.
We are both guilty.
What do you think?
Is it too late to start over?
The Russians! You are free.
Victoria, how are you?
Very sorry. Such a stupid misunderstanding.
I came as soon as I found out.
Where did they all come from? Did the train from Lyon arrive?
No. I invited them all.
These are, let's say, my friends.
And all of these? They play for your team?
100 gays on one ship?
What difference does it make? We have nowhere to hide.
Why did they come to us? - I told them the Chef is gay.
Hurry up, girls! Our hall is full to the brim.
Two times Okroshka and Quail in cream sauce.
Oui, Chef!
Vitya, go to the upper deck. The guests are asking for you.
Attention, my friends!
Here is our Chef. Viktor Barinov!
Long live Russia!
Who said Monday is a difficult day? Such nice people!
Chef!
I don't want to upset you but they didn't come by accident.
Chef! They actually are... They are Louis' teammates.
Brothers in spirit. - Chef, Louie dragged them here.
He told them you're cute too.
Thanks to Louis, we will turn into a restaurant for sexual minorities.
I... I had good intentions!
Brand new trendy place quickly becoming popular among Parisian bohemians.
Well, do you like it?
Good day. - Good day.
You completely forgot about me
I miss your smile. - I'm just really busy.
You can see for yourself. It's going really well. - Sure, sure.
I have a present for you.
It's so beautiful! But I can't accept it.
It's not from me. It's from my grandmother.
She really liked you and she would like to invite you to her birthday. Will you come?
Nicolas, can we talk later? I have to go.
Vitya! Are you drinking again?
Yes. Why? I'm celebrating.
We are thriving.
What is he saying?!
He said that
first in this restaurant there is a cutlet,
and then sitting on the toilet.
Senya! Follow me.
What are you yelling at?
What did you say about our restaurant? - Huh?
What "huh"?
I didn't get your nonsense.
What is he going to do? Throw chestnuts at us?
What is he going to do? Now he'll fill his pants.
What are you doing?
Fedya, this way!
They should have stayed away. Arabs are no joke.
Get out of here!
You never gave me an answer. Did I do something to offend you?
It is OK. Everything is fine.
Today was a hard day. I'm probably tired.
Well then, see you tomorrow! - See you tomorrow.
Victoria Sergeevna, will you keep me company
It just rolls around in my bag.
Ah, sure. It rolls around.
Oh, pretzel!
Excuse me! Excuse me! May I ask what are you doing in my room?
This is my room.
This is 701, no? - No.
This is 601.
And now you are in 501.
Kostyan, open up! I want to take my stuff. Vika and I are moving to a different room.
AHA! I will come later.
Mon amour! - Kostik!
You have perfected your French. - I have also perfected
my French kiss.
Wait. I didn't come here for nothing. It wasn't cheap either.
We still have 6 hours left.
Enough talking. Get to work.
Look how cute this is!
How do people manage to love each other for a lifetime?
I don'y know. Ask me again in 50 years.
I told you a hundred times. I don't like walking by water.
You want me to die. You ruined my whole life.
Shut up, you jerk! Otherwise I will drown you in the river.
Are you going to drown me in this stinky river? Wonderful!
Yes, Vitya! We need to increase the portions of the dumplings.
After all, the restaurant is Russian, and now we only have three per serving.
We made it! My warriors!
I told you we'd become a hige, popular, modern restaurant.
The whole of Paris is talking about us, and the seal didn't believe me. Seal, you didn't believe me, did you?
He didn't believe in us!
Guys, I have good news for you and good news for you.
Tomorrow we will host a dinner
for the presidents of Russia and France.
It's kind of a deja vu. - Again?
We can't get away this time. This is our chance.
A chance to get home alive. And why?
Because someone is dating the right guy.
Dating Kolya. For some it is Kolya, for others Nicolas.
Well done, Victoria. Clever girl!
By the way, he's waiting for you there, in the hall.
Beautiful! Smells like lavender, guys.
Not like rotten fish, like us.
Dmitry Vladimirovich, I'm not dating Nicolas.
And by the way, Max and I are back together.
Well well well! I traveled here with Kolya and he didn't stop talking about you
as far as I understood. Ra, Ra, Ra, Ra...
Perde, merde, Victoria. What should I tell him? That you are back with this one again?
Let's postpone your reunion. You're going to lie to Kolya.
You will postpone the wedding. You've already done it once.
Do it one more time. - We have postponed it?
We haven't postponed anything. - Hello!
Is Dima a fool? He's not. Your groom came to me and Vitya.
He was sobbing. He asked us to postpone the wedding.
He said: Victoria wants us to postpone the wedding. And we because of that
we agreed to host the president dinner. - Vika, this is not what happened.
I just wasn't feeling sure at that moment and... I'm sure now.
Dmitry Vladimirovich, do not worry
The Presidents' Dinner will take place. - Vika, wait! Lets talk.
Hold on! Vika, wait!
Vika!
Vika, why don't you pick up the phone?
Wait. Let's talk.
Dima, don't worry.
Everything will be excellent. I guarantee you.
And the presidents? Will they be scuba diving?
Hold on! Hold on!
In eighth grade they made us study Soviet literature.
Here's an excerpt: "Mom, mom, I remember your hands
from the moment in which I felt that I was in this world.
Masha, we raised such a quitter.
Honestly, I can't say who does he take after.
Is that all? I have to go. - Hold on. We need to talk.
About what? Talk about all the times you are meddling in my life?
You put a stick in my wheels. You send your footmen to spit on my soul.
You mean I'm the reason for all your troubles?
Let's get things right. Let's start, for example, with the critic you call a footman.
Look, Philip, he is a good guy. He is very diligent. Please
go to the opening. Write a review.
So he can spill soup all over me again? Thanks. - In the name of our friendship, Philip.
Thank you so much. Did you read his review?
Some ordinary cutlet. And somehow miraculously they didn't ruin the dessert.
The fact that he ate your meal, is an achievement itself. Belive me.
He has been going to Michelin star restaurants only for the past 10 years and everyone knows it.
And the dessert is a victory itself. He has not praised anyone for the last 3 years.
You can blame me for advising Louis to invite his friends
and "Aurora" became a popular place.
Oh, Chicken-butt!
All this time I have been throwing you in the watet, so you can learn how to swim.
If I had hired you five years ago, you wouldn't have returned to Russia.
And create the best restaurant in Moscow. The best!
Why are you silent? - I'm thinking.
Yes? - Yes.
I wonder what was should I do now that the boat has sank?
What do you mean? You sank the boat?
You are unbelievable, Chicken-butt.
I need products and utensils. Will you help me?
Here is our new restaurant.
Monsieur Ronet kindly offered us his ship
After he realised that Russian-French friendship is under threat.
Long live France! Long live Russia!
Vitya! Can you imagine what this will look like?
How are we going to invite the presidents here? - It will look fine.
Especially since they don't know what our restaurant looked like.
But there is nothing here! - AHA! There are no stoves, tables, products. Nothing!
Stop moaning like girls! I have sourced products and dishes.
We have three hours to prepare everything else. We will make it.
It's you!
What are they doing here?
Do not worry, everything is under control.
Hold on! What control? - You want to ruin the negotiations?
Victoria, what about the ship? - It's a long story. Please don't say anything.
Is this your celebrity Russian restaurant?
The thing is, in Paris sizes and appearances
are not a sign of quality. The main thing is the food.
Apparently the Frenchmen like small things. Cars are small, the restaurants are small. Don't translate this!
One dog is enough for this dinghy. Do the checks. The rest are free.
Madam President! The President of Russia.
Good day.
Thank you for agreeing to come basically without security.
You can feel safe in my company, you don't need any security.
Oh Aurora! Nice name.
The main thing is that it does not explode.
At last! Quick!
Vitya! Why did you take so long?
What happened?
All that could happen happened!
Victoria, we have to go. - Oui, oui!
Chef, go!
The tables are set, we will find the rest. There are so many bridges on the way.
We will throw the products over. - And plates and dishes? What are they going to eat with?
Here.
Here! "Victor".
Senya, how is your eye sight?
Aurora.
Everything about us is tits up.
With all due respect, Mr. President, you didn't manage to convince me.
Perhaps my translator couldn't explain my views to you.
Believe me, things change. A month ago I didn't even know that I would learn to speak French.
Good evening. We are pleased to welcome you to our restaurant.
What will you feed us? You know... to help with negotiations.
Before I show you our menu, I would like to say a few words
about the traditions of Russian cuisine. - Yes, no problem.
Russian culinary tradition dates back to ancient times.
Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can buy meat?
Meat. Meat! A cow.
Pork. A sheep.
Fish.
What is happening to the French? - The nation is regressing.
Excuse me.
Did you see that? No laws, nothing. - I was telling you we should go to Turkey.
It's all inclusive there.
Some of the traditional dishes include...
Zucchini caviar. - It's coming a bit later.
Up to that point, there was porridge, pancakes...
Who are you? - What do you mean who am I?
I'm your new Chef! - New Chef?
Yes. - And I?
And you are fired. Speak with the owner.
I need a bag.
Straight ahead, here they are. - I can see them.
Guys, I found booze. - I have meat, fish and vegetables.
You won't believe it! I even bought a melon from an Uzbek.
I have pots, pans... - Did we find everything? Excellent.
There they are.
We have very little time.
Peppers.
We don't have a corkscrew. - Deal with it.
Victoria, can I have a minute?
Nicolas, now is not the best time to have a conversation.
I have to wash the vegetables.
Could you pour me two glasses of wine?
Excuse me. Two glasses of wine. Two glasses.
No, I need two glasses. One, two. Two glasses of wine.
Two. For me and...
Yes.
This is for Victoria.
Cherchez la femme?
Loading.
Wait.
Hello. - Max, Nicolas is here and he is about to
propose to Vika. I saw the ring. If you want her back...
Kostyan, why? So we can get married and hate each other?
What? And what if she is the love of your life and you never meet anyone else?
It's fine. I will live without changing diapers and sleepless nights.
Max! What diapers?
I would give anything just to hear the little one laugh.
You can't imagine what you are about to give up, Max.
I haven't slept at night since the child was born.
Nastya...
What was I telling you! The soup we ate has gone right through him.
That was the funniest joke I have ever heard about Lukashenko.
Please excuse me. Sturgeon soup. Based on an old village recipe.
It looks great. - Bon appetit, dear presidents.
Thanks. Here you are.
Nicolas, what is the big secret? - Victoria!
You are a delightful woman.
I’ve known it from the moment I saw you at the pier.
Will you be my wife?
Max, get out of there. You are a fool!
The main thing is, everything must be calculated precisely.
I'll be honest with you. So far I have not heard a convincing argument.
Lavrov, you are an idiot!
Vika, forgive me.
I know, you've heard this a hundred times.
You don't even know how sorry I am that I ruined our happiness
when it was so close.
I can't promise that everything will be perfect.
I'll probably keep pissing you off with my nonchalance.
You will keep driving me crazy with your whims.
But I will try to become a better man for you, I swear.
What matters is that I love you.
I know you love me too.
Vika, marry me.
You see? Everything is fine.
Captain, who's at the helm?
At the helm! Who's there?
My assistant. - The bald one?
And you were worried.
If this is your convincing argument, I agree with it, I do.
I do.
This will not happen again and there will be concequences for everyone involved.
These are the same people who ruined the reception in Moscow.
I know. They helped us a lot.
So make sure that they are well looked after.
Really?
Yes, absolutely.
Chef! Please don't take long. I really want to go home.
Ah, yes. This is yours. - Oh, you have some nice guests!
Are you sure you don't want to stay?
I will retire soon and I need to hand the business over to someone.
No, Dad. You always pushed me in the water. I can swim now.
Good luck then.
And if you need an old grumpy cook, you know where to find it.
Thanks.
Translated by: Martina F